rejection when you have a medical condition or disability

People with medical conditions and disabilities can worry about meeting new people when they seek friendship and more.

This is extremely common and no less anxiety-provoking for anyone in this position to want to avoid hurtful rejections that may not be related to their physical or mental challenges, but also about being on low incomes and benefits meaning they can’t afford to dine out and socialise as much as they’d like.

While I’m a counsellor, it doesn’t mean I’m in any way able to avoid natural, human responses to what life throws at me. I wouldn’t want to because the good and the bad are part of living. I experience this particular worry myself. I’ve recently had major surgery and a permanent stoma and that has me thinking about what happens when I meet new people. Dealing with fear of rejection isn’t easy and we all experience it, everyone, in our lives, from childhood. As adults we hold memories of those days even before we make our first friends at work or in social groups, or have our first intimate relationships.

Any rejection by others, while hurtful, shows you don’t want them in your life. It redirects you to find others who are worthy of your time. You can be rejected at any stage of a friendship or relationship, it will always hurt, but a life lived with fear of being rejected is as hurtful to your wellbeing as rejection. Unlike a rejection, which we tend to move past, that fear of rejection can be with you for a very long time if you don’t address it.

I’m living my life, doing what I’ve got to do, seeing who I meet and what happens. We don’t want to be judged but we need to avoid ‘pre-rejection’ – or thinking the worst will happen when we really don’t know and even one person doing that to you won’t be everyone.

The fear often has deep roots, especially if your medical condition or disability has been with you a long time or you were born with it, or if you experienced bullying and other traumas as a child. But it can be worked on through counselling, when you are ready. It can be examined by you, probed by yourself as to its origins. You can get to know it, why it’s there, and over time reduce its impact. Like I said, not easy – but it can be done.

Get in touch with Xander for a free 30-minute initial assessment and to work out a fee that’s right for your circumstances should you decide to proceed further. Xander has spaces currently available to welcome new clients.

Xander, trading as xph therapy, offers integrative counselling, which means working with multiple therapy types, including CBT, psychotherapeutic and person-centred to develop a therapeutic pathway just for you, whatever outcome you’re hoping to achieve.