beyond breaking point: the window of tolerance

What is the window of tolerance, and how can an integrative counsellor help someone stay within or return from outside it?

The window of tolerance describes the optimal zone of what is termed ‘arousal’ – not in a sexual sense, the most commonly associated context for the word, but instead more akin to aliveness; being awake to the world around us; moderately alert; highly capable of coping.

An optimal window of tolerance is one in which a person can function effectively in everyday life. When a person is operating within their window of tolerance, they can manage and cope well enough with their emotions, thoughts, and behaviours without any issues arising beyond their capability to deal with.

When a person’s level of arousal exceeds the boundaries of their window of tolerance, they will often experience states of hyperarousal (anxiety, anger, panic, and physical symptoms such as headaches, nausea, high blood pressure) or hypoarousal (numbness, dissociative states, inability or unwillingness to communicate and socialise, depression, feeling ‘dead inside’). These can impair a person’s ability to think clearly, communicate, and relate to others. Their capacity to feel and demonstrate empathy can be significantly reduced: as in, they no longer present to those around them as caring about anything.

What causes a person to be pushed beyond their window of tolerance could be a single event or sequence of them, a slow build or sudden onslaught. Debtors knocking at the door; a series of bereavements in the space of a few years; the challenges of a caring role; workplace demands; an unexpected car repair; an accident… Up to a point, we are designed to handle stress. That point varies as to where it is at from person to person. Go beyond it and you can almost imagine an audible click as a switch inside your head is pressed. Overwhelm. Overload. Whatever you call it, it means the need to act to improve things has to be your number one priority.

An integrative counsellor is a therapist who draws on different elements of a variety of therapeutic approaches to work in a way that suits the needs of the client. They can help someone stay in or return from outside their window of tolerance by using various techniques, first of all by providing a safe, supportive and empathic relationship.

An integrative counsellor will work to help a client identify and regulate their emotions, thoughts and behaviours. They do this by listening, reflecting, challenging (gently, as, when and if appropriate) and by using cognitive, behavioural or mindfulness strategies. They will support a client in examining their past and present experiences that may have shaped their window of tolerance, such as trauma, the development of unhealthy attachments and coping styles.

A client will be invited to detail what they have found has helped and what hasn’t helped before coming to therapy. They can be guided in expanding their window of tolerance by gradually exposing them to challenging situations or emotions, while providing guidance and feedback.

This effort to expand a client’s window of tolerance is dependent on where they’re at, obviously. Some situations in life call for protective retreat, with safeguarding measures needed if it becomes known a client is facing physical aggression or hostility in their daily life. Signposting to social services or helplines could be needed if the client is unsupported in daily life, say, in caring on their own for someone elderly or severely disabled.

A client will be invited to consider developing or resuming self-care practices, such as relaxation, exercise and hobbies that can enhance their well-being and resilience. These might once have been in use but fell by the wayside in response to pressure (“I used to read every day but I’ve not read a book in a year.”).

More information on understanding and staying within your window of tolerance can be found here.

Recognition and acceptance of the need for change already places you on the path to achieving it. That’s the first step. The second step is the one you take by picking up the phone or going online to book an appointment with someone who can help. Your GP is a good starting point, while helplines can offer what we might call ‘mental health triage’ to get you through this day and the next until you’ve figured out what you want to do.

xph therapy offers integrative counselling, which means working with multiple therapy types, including CBT, psychotherapeutic and person-centred to develop a therapeutic pathway just for you, whatever outcome you’re hoping to achieve. Get in touch in a variety of ways. See the contact page for more info.